Yes, We're Scared

Most normal human beings fear the unknown more than anything else---we have A LOT of unknowns at this point.   Where will we go? Will it be safe?  Will the people accept us?    Will we be able to understand them? Will they be able to understand us?  Do we know enough to go out and preach?  And the BIG ONE...Will we have enough money to feed and care for our own family's needs?  Yes, we are scared.

So, why are we doing this?  Because this is what God is asking us to do.  That's the one thing that keeps us from turning around and running the other way---God chose us to do this.  Why us?  We ask that ourselves that question ALL the time.  And we have no idea why us, but know that we can't tell God "No" especially after trying to teach our kids that God's will is the only will that we should follow.

This is what I think people do not understand.  We did NOT chose this for ourselves.  If it was our choice, we'd stay right here surrounded by all the people we love, all the things we've worked so hard for, in a place that is familiar and comfortable with AC and hot water!  Sometimes I feel as though people think we are doing this because we think that we are "holier" than them or that they are thinking "Who do you think you are?  We know the real you. " (The eye rolls are a dead giveaway.) But nothing could be further from the truth.

We know the real "us" better than anyone.  (Remember, we see each other daily in the privacy of our own home behind closed doors.) We know that we are definitely not "holier" than anyone else.  There are lots of people we know way more holy and better qualified for this call, and we wish He would have called them instead.

We are just regular people---sinners just like everyone else.  Our kids fight, disobey, talk back, etc.  We lose our cool and yell at them sometimes.  We lose our patience with each other at times.  We fail to love everyone at all times as Christ does.  We neglect our prayer life at times.   We get caught up in the world and worldly things.  We struggle like everyone else to stay the course and to keep our path straight. Actually, going through this journey has taught us that we are so far from where we once thought we were in our relationship with Christ. It has shown us that we have so much learning and growing to do. 

We do not want all the attention that we are now getting. We liked our nice, quiet life out in the country.  We hate having to speak publicly and having to ask others to support us financially.  But we have recently come to realize after trying to keep it private for so long that we can't do it by ourselves.  Believe me when I say, we tried to figure out how to do this on our own many times!  We tried to figure out how much money we would need to live for two years and started to save up our own money to build our mission fund alone, so we wouldn't have to ask others to support us.  We have been fundraising and selling our things for almost a year now trying to do this alone.

Each time we got ahead some catastrophe came along and wiped out that extra money. We finally realized that God was trying to teach us to let go of the steering wheel and to trust Him.  Once we let go with one hand, He was able to start working and amazing things began happening in our journey.  We finally surrendered the wheel to Him (although we do take it back occasionally--slow learners) and started to see things actually fall into place.  We discovered that the more people we shared our story with, the more people we had praying for us.  The more people we had praying for us, the better things began to work out.  The better things work out for us, the less scared we are becoming.